Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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