Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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