Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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