he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
