there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
