I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
