im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
