I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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