I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
