dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
