yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
