just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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