The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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