i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
