singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She bit a glass in half.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
