i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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