Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
