Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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