Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
