im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
