Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
