I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
