margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
