I smell stomach acid.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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