that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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