Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
