i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
