We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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