I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
