They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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