I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
