I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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