no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
