When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
The air taste purple.
Randomize
