it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
