I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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