i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
