We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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