i think my tv is drunk
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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