i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
