Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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