you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
