i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
