At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
