Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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