Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
