i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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