Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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