I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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