I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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