im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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