My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
