It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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