if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
