Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
