so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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