woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
