guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
