I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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